Sunday, September 10, 2017

Reclaiming My Time



When I started this blog all the way back in the year 2016, I had no intention of writing about Donald Trump so much. Back then he was just one of many fucktards running for president. Then he won the republican nomination making him the top fucktard. I was surprised, but looking back, I guess I shouldn't have been. Republicans had been courting ignorant racist voters for a long time. And those ignorant racists saw their ignorant racist messiah in Donald Trump. The nomination of Trump was an ugly mark on American history. An ugly mark that was supposed to end after the election. I expected to be writing about the vast right wing conspiracy claiming Hillary Clinton kidnapped one hundred and one dalmatian puppies for their fur. But that didn't happen. I don't know what happened. But I'll find out what happened on Tuesday when I receive my pre-ordered Kindle version of Hillary Clinton's book entitled, What Happened.




In the meantime, I'm fucking sick of Trump. I'm sick of hearing his guttural voice and his ridiculous accent. I'm fucking sick of watching his ties flap against his crotch because he wears them too long. I hate his stupid face. I'm sick of his three chinless children believing they are productive members of society on the sole basis of their father being a self-proclaimed billionaire. I'm fucking sick of waiting for Tiffany to write her tell-all book. Please excuse me while I write an open letter to Tiffany Trump:

Dear Tiffany,

Bitch, what are you waiting for? I already gave you the title, The Daughter He Left Behind: The Tiffany Trump Story. If you don't get on it soon, I'm going to write it myself. And I will be selling the rights to your story, which I will be making up, to the Lifetime Movie Network.

Best wishes,
Donna Troy

Anyway, I'm most sick of Trump's constant Mexican bashing to placate his ignorant racist base. I have to address his asshole plan of canceling DACA, but as I have so fervently stated, I'm fucking sick of Trump. Therefore, I am reclaiming my time. I shall be addressing my remarks to the members of his ignorant racist base who believe the cancellation of DACA is good for reasons which are stupid. Please share this blog post with all your ignorant racist relatives, co-workers or neighbors.


Welcome, ignorant racist relatives, co-workers or neighbors of people who read my blog. I'm glad you're here. There are some things we need to discuss about DACA. First, DACA stands for Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals. DACA is not a Mexican gang that will rise up and take over the streets with the guns Obama did not take from you. I know this probably won't calm your fears about Mexican gangs because you're stupid. So you should also know Mexican gangs aren't very scary. Watch West Side Story. It's about a Puerto Rican gang, but I don't think it makes any difference to you. Because I once heard an ignorant racist refer to my Vietnamese neighbors as Mexicans. I'm also about ninety percent sure you don't know Puerto Rico is a U.S. territory. I'm also pretty certain Trump didn't know it until his advisers told him to declare a state of emergency before Hurricane Irma. He was all like, “What do I care about Puerto Rico? Mexico is on their own. I'm building a wall.” Shit. I'm talking about Trump.

Reclaiming my time. 

In West Side Story the Mexi-Rican gang members do some weird dance-y, snapping thing for a fucking eternity before they ever get around to pulling out their switch blades. It provides ample time to run to safety. And you don't have to worry about watching a movie with Mexi-Rican actors. The Puerto Rican lead character, Maria, is played by Russian American actress, Natalie Wood. Her real name was Natalia Nikolaevna Zakharenko and she may or may not have been murdered by the guy from Hart to Hart.


I would love to use this opportunity to make a joke about your chosen messiah and the Russians, but I can't because I'm reclaiming my time. Instead, I'll use this opportunity to remind you that people immigrate here from countries other than Mexico. Believe it or not, white undocumented immigrants roam freely across the nation. And you'll never know who they are because they look just like you. They could be collecting your dead grandma's social security as we speak. If you're still not freaked out by people who look like you, I recommend you watch the 1956 version of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. Everyone was white in black and white movies. I guess you could watch the 1978 version. The main cast is still all white, but it's unnecessarily longer and I don't care for Donald Sutherland. 


I believe we've established you don't really give a shit about immigration or pod people. Now we need to understand your irrational fear of Mexicans.  We shall explore your top three complaints about DACA and I'll explain why your reasoning is bullshit.

Top Three Bullshit Complaints About DACA

1. DACA is Obama's unconstitutional evil master plan to create more democrat voters.

While I'm often impressed by your ability to invent sweeping conspiracies out of nothing, I must call bullshit. First of all, your irrational hatred of Obama is as intense as my rational hatred of Trump. Secondly, you have no idea if DACA is unconstitutional or not. You've never read the constitution. If you were asked to recite the preamble right now, it would go something like this:

We the people of the United States of America
And to the republic for which it stands
One nation under a groove
Gettin' down just for the funk
Just for the taste of it – Diet Coke


Let's get real. If you cared about the constitution, we wouldn't have a president who thinks there are twelve articles to the constitution. Shit. I'm doing it again.

Reclaiming my time.

DACA doesn't create more democrat voters. Because it doesn't immediately grant citizenship like you seem to believe. It simply allows undocumented immigrants who were brought here as children to apply for green cards or visas without fear of being deported. If democrats were using immigrants to vote illegally in the numbers you claim, I would be writing about President Hillary Fucking Clinton's plan to immediately grant citizenship to everyone with DACA status. 


2.) Mexicans are taking your jobs.

I call bullshit because you can't make up your mind about what's causing your unemployment. You also claim environmental regulations are closing down the factories where you once worked. Mexicans can't be taking your jobs if the jobs don't exist. You need to get specific and name the actual jobs Mexicans are taking from you. For example, say you worked at a Taco Bell and an authentic Mexican restaurant opened up next door. The authentic Mexican restaurant would probably have more customers and the Taco Bell would close. But that's not a great example because Taco Bell serves expired dog food. People just don't want to eat that shit even if there are no other restaurants in the neighborhood.


I only know one example of a white person losing a job due to Mexican interference. A co-worker called a woman who had applied for a position. She asked the woman why she had been out of work for so long. The unemployed woman replied, “Because these Mexicans keep coming over here and taking all the jobs.” That's a stupid thing to say in a job interview no matter what. But when the interviewer's last name is Santana-Cruz, that's stupidity of epic proportions. Needless to say, the woman was not offered the job. And as much as that idiot would like to blame Mexicans for her lack of work, she Archie Bunkered herself out of a job.

It's like when the judge on the Trump University case had a name that sounded too Mexican-y for Trump's taste. And Trump tried to claim the judge was biased against him because of all the racist shit Trump said about Mexicans. And Trump had to settle out of court for millions of dollars because he was guilty as fuck and a new judge wouldn't have changed that.

Shit.

Reclaiming my time.

3.) They don't speak English.

I call bullshit because... So? I truly don't understand why people get such a stick up their ass about this. I live my life every day with the knowledge that there are people in this country who don't speak English. It effects my life not at all. I mean, I occasionally have to press 1 for English, but that takes less than a second. I know a lot of you get, like, psychotically pissed when you have to press 1 for English and I really need you to know it's psychotic.

I was on an elevator with a really stupid co-worker one time. Two other women got on the elevator and began speaking Spanish to each other. My really stupid co-worker kept making weird, jerky, tight-lipped facial expressions at me. I knew she was either having a stroke or she was pissed these women dared to have a conversation in Spanish in her presence. It was the latter. As soon as the other women exited the elevator, really stupid co-worker went off on a really stupid rant. And I had to explain to her I found this elevator ride way more peaceful when I couldn't understand the people talking. Who the fuck cares if two women you don't know want to speak to each other in Spanish? I sure as fuck don't.

Ignorant racist relatives, co-workers or neighbors of people who read my blog, please don't assume it's okay to say ignorant racist shit just because you're alone with another white person. It's not and I find it more disturbing than two strangers speaking Spanish.

Why is it that the people who are so adament everyone in the U.S. must speak English are the people who royally fuck up the English language? Just look at your president/messiah. He says things like “bigly” and “a very against police judge” and tweets things like “an unpresidented act.” I'd love to unpresident that motherfucker. 

 
Fuck me.

Reclaiming my time.

Ignorant racist relatives, co-workers or neighbors of people who read my blog, you may leave my blog now. I'm done with you.

People who read my blog, if you pre-order my book, The Daughter He Left Behind: The Tiffany Trump Story, then I'll start writing it.


Namaste, Bitches

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