Tuesday, May 24, 2016

The Art of a Deal... Appendix I

One day after this biography was published, it was "leaked" to the press that Donald Trump used to act as his own press agent. The most likely culprit of this "leak" is Donald Trump, a.k.a. John Miller, a.k.a. John Barron. Why did he "leak" it? Why doesn't he get a decent hair cut? Because as long as people are talking about him, Donnie doesn't really give a shit why. If we, as a nation, made the decision to never speak of his hair again, tomorrow he would show up on Meet the Press with an orange Mohawk or "Trumphawk."

Trump "leaked" a tape from 1991 of "John Miller" speaking with a People Magazine reporter. "John Miller" felt it in Trump's best interest to share with People Magazine the litany of famous women trying to date The Donnie. I think we all know this information is of vital concern to real estate investors. Among the list of famous bitches was Madonna, whom "John Miller" claimed was actively pursuing Donnie. That very same year Madonna released a song called "Rescue Me," causing most to assume Trump was "dating" Madonna the same way he was "dating" Princess Diana.

Donnie picked interesting names for his aliases. For instance, John Miller is so generic he might as well have used the name John I-Know-I'm-Not-Fooling-Anyone. On the other hand, John Barron links him ever closer to the death of Elvis Presley. Hardcore Elvis fans know Elvis had chosen the name John Barron, had his child been born a boy, which Lisa Marie was not. This is noted in plenty of Elvis biographies. Look it up. You're probably not going to look it up. Check it. Elvis Aaron Presley had a twin brother who died at birth named Jesse Garron. Elvis wanted to continue the rhyming middle names thing with John Barron. There is even an Elvis tribute band called The John Barron Band. Trump uses the name John Barron when pretending to be his own publicist. Then later, Trump names his fifth chinless Stepford child Barron. Add to that, Trump has already been linked to the death of Elvis twice in my original biography and once earlier in this paragraph. It's all too much to dismiss.

The numerous aliases add a whole new level of creepy to Trump's checkered and possibly deadly past. Superheroes use secret identities in comic books, however, in real life only criminals have secret identities. Some of my nerdier readers may note Donna Troy is a comic book name. To that I say, fuck you. It could be my name, too. You don't know my life.

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