Saturday, March 19, 2016

Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?

Prostitution is the only profession where women make more than their male counterparts. Even with that economic advantage, hookers get screwed time and time again. Because as we all know, pimps make more than hoes. As well they should.  It's hard out here for a pimp. When he's trying to get this money for the rent. For the Cadillacs and gas money spent.  Because a whole lot of bitches talkin' shit. (Those are lyrics from an Academy Award winning song. Someone wrote, "a whole lot of bitches talkin' shit" and won an Oscar for it. How do I submit my blog for Oscar consideration? Also, look for an upcoming blog entitled, "A Whole Lot of Bitches Talkin' Shit.")

Hookers aren't the only people getting screwed. Women in semi-respectable professions are making an average of twenty-one percent less than their male co-workers. I could go on a long rant about sexist shenanigans. (See my previous blog.) But I'm not going to. Sure, the wage gap exists because of sexism, but that's not why it continues. Greed is the reason it continues. Employers will always pay their employees the lowest salaries they can. They'd pay nothing if Lincoln hadn't abolished slavery.

If you're a woman considering prostitution to supplement your income or a man who's tired of paying for everything, please consider joining my movement. I'm calling it The She Works Hard For The Money So Hard For It, Honey Revolution.

Greedy Assholes of America, the people of The She Works Hard For The Money So Hard For It, Honey Revolution are taking action. We will no longer tolerate wage discrimination in any form, but especially in the form of paying women less than men. If women weren't horribly bad at math you wouldn't have gotten away with it for so long. From this moment forward, all women in America get a wage increase of twenty-one cents on the dollar...


Or Else...

Women will only work seventy-nine percent of a forty-hour work week. Our weekends now begin around four-thirty on Thursdays. Enjoy all the soda and potato chips at your Friday afternoon pot-luck lunches, which you'll eat off of the Dollar Store paper plates that cheap prick always brings.

We'll spend our long weekends finding ways other than prostitution to supplement our incomes. (Please check out my sponsor's website.)


Or Else...

We will stop reminding you about things like your wife's birthday or your child's name.


Or Else...

We'll tell that woman in your office who thinks she's wearing a sweater dress that it's actually just a sweater and she needs to put some pants on. You may continue paying her twenty-one percent less than everyone else.


Or Else...

We'll stop keeping candy jars on our desks. You'll actually have to look for change for the vending machine. It won't be easy because no one has change anymore due to the fact that no one carries cash anymore. And if you do manage to scrounge up some change, remember, that candy bar has been sitting in there since people stopped carrying cash.


Or Else...

We will no longer keep medicine in our purses. Medicine like aspirin or the Pepto Bismol you're desperately going to need after eating a Snickers from 2006. What are you guys doing with all that extra money you're making that you can't even buy your own damn aspirin?


Or Else...

We will align ourselves with pimps who possess no musical skills, but are still looking to get out of prostitution. Greedy Assholes of America may be able to say no to Donna Troy's reasonable request for wage increase, but try saying no to Doctor Ho Patrol. (I got that name from the pimp name generator on memphispimpdaddy.com. The Internet is such a useful tool.)

The good people of The She Works Hard For The Money So Hard For It, Honey Revolution have the utmost confidence in Doctor Ho Patrol's negotiating skills/scare-tactics. But we'd like that to be our last resort because Doctor Ho Patrol don't come cheap. Once we receive our wage increase of twenty-one cents on the dollar, we'll have to kick up forty cents to Doctor Ho Patrol leaving us worse off than when we started. (Shit like this is why women don't like to learn math.)

Greedy Assholes of America, the choice is yours. Give us a raise or we have no problem short-changing ourselves for the pleasure of watching Doctor Ho Patrol... Fuck. You. Up.

Namaste, Bitches




Comments:

sissytroy said:
This is your sister. I teach math even though, as a woman, I'm not very good at it. Luckily my pimp helps me out with lesson plans.

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